These are my experiences in College of Engineering, Thiruvananthapuram, and in Men’s Hostel.
Once youth came through these iron gates, walked through the wet path, where eminent personalities set their first foot on professionalism.
“The rain clouds tired of showering their tears,
Along the path, still the leaves glittering with the rain drops,
Youth have walked, with their unaccountable dreams to be true,
Bunch of pine trees, and nature, silent and beautiful.”
That’s the very moment; I stepped to this institution which has grown to be the pride of ‘Ananthapuri’, the capital of God’s own country.
The first thing I learned from this prestigious institution was a mighty truth which I had never come across in my life before. It was the first lesson taught by this Campus. Here youth is divided by all means, according to body, flesh, color, economy, family status and poisonous activities injected into every mind by unknown godly personalities . The only name which was disgraced ... CET.
The attempt for enforcing the splitting mentality in many new faces including myself has been done by many spoiled youths. Their attempts were named ‘RAGGING’, a holy event, conducted on every fresher in the institution. Ragging was considered as the idol worship of every senior student of the institution and their right to be worshiped. Some was pretending to be the street dogs filling their mouth, looking for a flesh store. They were the creators of the theory that , "How can youth be divided under the quantity of flesh?". One among those creators was the first person for me to inject the penicillin for the ‘pollution of mind’. Worshipping the holy event like any other fresher, an impure pleasure crept into me... The very first mistake of my college life .I offered my heart and the thoughts emerging out of it, which has been waiting for long to be presented and recognized by my soul, to a person who was never mine.
On the top of the heaven, I sat as a king, leaving back every other priorities of life, and proclaimed: “I came to bent on my knees in front of your mind’s door, and then you just closed it.” But the impure paint never got coated on the walls of the glass building, made of my day dreams instead of bricks. The sky touching the dreamy glass building was shattered and demolished by the purifying rays of truth.
The collision of different ideologies was always welcomed. Still, one day, a worthless youth started his pathless voyage to break down the campus heartbeat into 2000 and 500.I have seen a 70 year old paternity giving death screams in this spider web. For me, it was a fearful, heart breaking experience to recognize that the major youths, who boast to be the best intellectuals of their age, were mere fools. It’s a haunting nightmare. The expectation of unity, together visionising a dream, working for it, giving it his/her own last breath for a victory went in vain. This feeling was more than the pain by an arrow pierced into my heart.
They entered the campus doors shoulder to shoulder together, locking their fists as a gesture of their friendship. In their first days they became CET-ians, classmates, batch mates etc. Now being foolish, restricting themselves into a framework of separation, they were hiding, planning and waiting to harm each other. This scene was unexpected for every one who struggled to run away from them. It was frustrating and painful for me to recognize that I am being cornered to one side by my loved ones on the other side.
When reality showed its face, every one was speechless. Out of 2000 and 500, When the body is torn in the effort to superiorize, it is consoling that the color of blood is RED. This drizzling blood drops shed into the soil of the campus is capable for some one-lost youths to re-think and return to the real world.
But the young minds were fallen into the world of arrogance and pride, fuelled by the theory, that “Yesterday they were followers. Today they are leaders”. It is the worst fact. Such corrupt people trap their new preys tactically with the ideological theories taught to them before. They showed and guided them to their worlds.
Persons, Faces, Ideas changed. But the poisonous seeds and their sprouts of separation created foul gases to kill the peaceful atmosphere of the campus frequently. Even ‘ACACIA KADUKAL’ was paralyzed by the air and frozen to protect the path of love and unity. It was heard from our NATURE CLUB that, in olden day’s acacias cried, fearing that the people might come to them with axes. Today no sound is heard from them. May be their silence mean their readiness to get destroyed and save themselves from seeing the destruction of CET.
How many have expectations and tearful farewells been witnessed in the heavenly place: ‘PANCHARA KAADU’? Into the magic screens of cinema, two real characters portrayed from this place were “SUNNY" & "THARA”. This romantic tragedy, filmed as “Sukamo Devi” wetted the eyes of thousands, who had at least once experienced this divine feeling. Today sexuality takes the place of divinity. Vulgarism and show-off’s are the signs of LOVE in “panchara kaadu” nowadays. So my dear 70-years of patriotic ancestors, who loved the campus, please close your eyes, expecting for a day when the first rays of sunrise welcomes you to a purified PANCHARA KAADU.
Every student in the campus boasts of great success in their +2 education, the greatest intellectuals of their times. May be that’s why they applied Newton’s 3’rd law in their life in CET and disgusted every aspects of its heritage. They didn’t learn to forgive both sides, so called 2000 day-scholars and 500 hostellers. And the war is passed through the batches. I still remember those peaceful first days in this college, considering the fact that there was more than one political organization in the campus. It was far better than the present condition with one political organization, with such pathetic separation criteria, day-scholars and hostellers, with lots of hooligans, than any other educational institutions in Kerala.
During my first days in this college, I being new to this place, journeyed through these gates, long corridors, unsightable paths ahead. I always feel the presence of life, love, and response in each corner. Today every such feeling became a sweet memory reminding those golden days. Now the atmosphere is always stressed and frustrating. It’s the time for saying “Al-Vida” to every one, but not going well as expected.
Within 5 years this campus has changed a lot. A frozen feeling of death has been developed at every corner of the campus. A youth who is to be enthusiastic, is struggling for life and air. Once I wished never to say good-bye to this place but now my mind always wants to run out of the doors I entered.
How many strikes, the ferocious discussions on the policies and views of ideologies, speeches of trusted personalities have make it a festive place I loved most in the campus: COLLEGE LOBBY ,where lot of unexpected hands shaking for a farewell and autographs are requested.
In the corridors of years to come, before loosing our selves, let’s see once again, with a sigh of pain. It’s the message read in every eyes, without uttering a single word or moving their lips. They convey everything at this lobby. Lobby has many such stories of years to say, of different faces.
Today, 2000 and 500, being separated, roar meaningless war cries, with tools to bleed each other, fight for a reason which they had never known in full, and when not attaining fully, they return from the lobby, with their eyes filled with guilt. Will the lobby ever be able to tell a story about such people’s dry farewells?
Tomorrow, when we come back, the campus might be a graveyard. A dignified grave holding the memoirs of an institution, where a lot of ideas were discussed and thousands are taught to reach the intellectual zenith. Standing beside that grave, by offering tears of regards, we being disgraced and depressed will have to return through the steps which we had climbed with enthusiasm and joys, years before.
Today, I recognize that, the best thing for the person who can’t respond, to observe is ‘SILENCE’. In the end, silence is still .Through silence, a language has been created to experience the world of communication ,a feeling of emptiness ! Even if without knowing at least once, by mind ,… … a return journey to these corridors …?
I am going back. My time has finished. I will not look back. Even if I look back; I will not be able to see anything. My eyes will be filled with tears. I need only this picture in mind:
“In dawn, filled with dewdrops on every leaves, evergreen acacias, waiting for the first rain, and then bathed in it, blushed in every spot, and my ever enthusiastic campus. Whenever I want to see this, I just close my eyes, and then it will be there, only a heartbeat away.”
Dear reader, it was never my intention to hurt your feeling. I confide there is a soul in you, like mine, which has self-respect. I hope, you will respond. I have done the same. And with my silent prayers not to burn yourself in the flames of self-respect, I conclude this piece of my diary.
